ok so people are always asking the famous question "is it better to have loved and lost or never loved at all" and every time i hear it i have a different answer? it's not that i completely change my mind all the time i'm not *that* fickle

but every time i think of it a different way and i don't know why, my own brain's favorite pasttime must be trying to make me rip my hair out. you don't know, maybe it just wants to be closer to the sun?????


at first my default answer was "it's better to have loved and lost" but the more i think about it and feel these things, the more i want to change my mind

and i wish i didn't because i wish i was just one of those beautifully vulnerable open people, they amaze me, the way they trust people. some people call it stupid but i think it takes a really strong person to do that honestly

and that makes me wonder if i'm weak because i'm so weary of people and of trusting them. and then when i *think* i trust somebody, something happens that makes me realize that i really don't

lol look at me i can't even trust myself, i'm spilling my guts in an e-blog

shut up i'm just trying to take more steps to becoming vulnerable alright this is just self improvement in the form of unorganized babble

YESTERDAY: about 990 (it's okay that you don't know what this means i just need it)

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