yes i HAVE changed a lot in recent times and no i WON'T apologize for it because one of the changes i've made is that i'm not afraid of showing you who i am, for the most part

i feel like a completely different person and this all changed in literally a couple of weeks, which doesn't happen, so i guess it was a gradual change but lately it's just been more pronounced and bla bla bla

tomorrow i have to go get my **senior pictures** taken which i guess is a big deal because they gave out fliers that said they are MANDATORY if you want to be in the yearbook. so i have to find something to wear because i mean these pictures will haunt me forever and ever! but yeah anyways that's just one of the perks of being a senior i guess
and there are perks like the half day and just ask the status tassel hanging off the rearview mirror of my car, it's purple and white (school spirit ra ra ra) and has a blinged out 09 dropdown charm
they also gave us these license plate frames that say SENIORS at the top and then at the bottom:
released after 4 years
or something like that
which i mean i would never put it on my car
1) because i think pretty much every senior in the school now has it on their car and
2) it seems a little bit pretentious to me? okay maybe a lot pretentious
i'm always the baby of my grade i mean it. i'll be 17 when i graduate and a lottttt of the seniors this year are already 18 and will be voting. i have no say in what happens in our country now even though i'm pretty sure i was the *only* one in my class today who even knew who the candidates and their running mates are speaking of pretentious I'M SORRY

LOL now that i've rabbled for like six yearssss.......

um i wrote something earlier in my room and i turned off the ceiling light and turned on the light my mom bought from ikea, that day i was very depressed (i do not throw around the word 'depressed,' it is not synonymous with the word sad and this was not a situation-related depression) and almost had a panic attack, there were so many people. my room had a very cozy feel (today not the ikea day lol jsyk), i should do that more often. write in my room, i mean. i'm very surprised that i didn't tear the paper up, and i'm even more surprised that i actually am okay with the way it turned out. it's not extraordinary, if you looked through most kids' notebooks, somewhere you'd probably find something painfully similar. i have a need to feel unique and special, i'll probably always hold onto that... and i won't admit how cliche it is.

but now that i've given you all that buildup i have something to tell you..........

i'll probably never share it with anyone


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