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Showing posts from March, 2011

this is beautiful

Date A Girl Who Reads An article by Rosemarie Urquico

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girl…

so time consuming

i hate painting my nails because i'm so obsessive about it so it takes me like 2 hours to do 2 coats + a topcoat. I CANNOT CONTROL MY LEFT HANDSFAJSDKLAJA

it's the same old fight

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maybe not exactly the same because at least now i don't act on the impulse to starve myself to dust, but it's still not easy. and it's really exhausting, but nobody ever said it wouldn't be. it's like i read once, you can stop the behaviors but the thoughts never completely go away. i'm always going to wish i could be smaller, because in the end i feel like my very existence is the imposition that keeps the world from spinning the way it is supposed to. i always feel in the way, or unwelcome, or just unworthy. it's like my mind thinks that if i can make myself smaller, i'll be less imposing. but i know the cycle and i know it just keeps going, because you can always be smaller until you're dead.





anyway the other day i went camping with four friends and had a much needed break from my routine. it was supposed to be their 'guys only' camping trip but they all said i should go because i'm "practically a guy with but with boobs," wh…

251

i wanna change pretty much everything about me,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

250/two fiddy

if you haven't read anything by derrick brown, do it. he is so good i can't even. this is the first poem i ever read from him, and it started an addiction that cannot be tamed.


cotton in the air
by derrick brown

Your polished back is arched like Saint Louis.

I can see your fingers pushing into the bricks
when I lift your hair
to smell October drain from your neck.

You are cotton caught in the air
I am unfurling laces in your body.

I move on you steady like a fleet of ships pushing ice.
I want to break it all.

Your tank top strap slips down the huh huh of your shoulder
and I will not strain meaning from this.

I have to taste all of your shapes with my teeth,
circles of salt
square butter.

Waltzing a wrecking ball.

I lift your body so that your legs strap to my hips and you
are now adorned.
I toss you around the room because I don’t want to be inside;
I want to walk through you.

So I can know.

I am wading in the dark felt Tijuana paintings of your hair.

I am molting my bed clothes uncoiling towards S…

249 my babies

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so check these lil guys out,


COLLECTIVE AWWW. a bunny had babies in our hay pile in the backyard, there are five of them. their names are:
spartacus gannicus oenomaus (ik ik, wtf, it's pronounced "ani-may-us") theocoles and crixus
BROWNIE POINTS IF YOU KNOW WHAT THOSE NAMES ARE FROM. anyways, the names aren't really fitting considering they're nothing but furry little puffs of cute, but that's not the point. they are my babies. but that picture was taken probably a week ago when their eyes were still closed. since then their eyes have opened and they've left the nest, on their own in this cruel world :'( and all that stuff
so this is when they opened their eyes:


and this is spartacus (the only two you can really tell apart are spartacus and gannicus. spartacus is the smallest and darkest and he has a little white mark on his head and gannicus is the biggest and he has a white mark on his head too!)

obv i didn't just pick him up without knowing it was okay, …

248

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it's been a while huh?
a lot of things have happened. one, got fired from my job at vs because a girl at a dif store decided to screw me over during an exchange, made it look like i was trying to steal money from the company and didn't ring me up as an associate, reported it later making it look like i got $15 back WHEN I DIDN'T GET NO MONEY BACK, anyways basically she gets me fired for something tha ti didn't even do, and gets $50 for getting me fired because that is the "culture of honesty" that the company believes in. if you report someone and get them fired, you get $50. so, good for her, i hope she used that money to buy some crack or something
this happened about 2 1/2 weeks ago but i'm still bitter, i hold onto things i guess. probably because i fucking loved that job with every little fiber of my being. my boss was a total sweetheart. it wasn't her decision to terminate me, it was the "district manager" who i've only ever met twic…