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Showing posts from 2011
i think maybe i have just lost my ability to be inspiring

you guys it's late and i did this and for some reason it made me laugh HYSTERICALLY

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bubble bath envy

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things are good. i can say that now and mean it. this september i lived through the biggest heartbreak of my life thus far, and i know now that i can live through anything. i get tired sometimes but it's not enough to break me like it used to. usually i just need to sleep it off and spend a day being a hermit in sweats and a giant hoodie and no makeup, watch scrubs on netflix and skip the gym in favor of some frozen yogurt. it's okay to do that sometimes, you know? we all need a break. the most valuable thing i've learned is that it's good to take a break. it doesn't make you weak, or lazy, or unmotivated.
tonight i decided to be productive and i made dinner and i'm quite pleased with myself so pardon me while i explain everything i made! i cooked up some tofu in bbq sauce and had that with some whole wheat pita bread and had carrots and edamame hummus on the side, then for dessert i had pomegranate greek yogurt with cinnamon almonds to make it nice and sweet. i…

eeeeeeughhhhhhh

i have the most incredible headache of all time seriously did i concuss myself in my sleep, is that what this is

i said i said i said

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holy shit you guys i haven't updated this thing since june. i wouldn't know what to say if i tried. um here goes
i guess things are going well, i finally transferred schools and i'm taking classes at asu which is like woo america's #1 party school which if you know me is hilarious because i'm not that person. i'm that person who lays outside on the benches between classes and reads instead of giving head in the bathroom outside lecture hall. idk i'm boring that way
the weather is so perfect i think i could marry it. but then we'd get divorced because in the summer i will start to hate it, but then we would get back together again in the fall, and it would just be an endless cycle. kind of like a real relationship whoa hey
i am restless as fuck man, and i cried last night for the first time in a long time, but i couldn't cry all the way like i needed to. ughsaldfjsafa hey if you still read this anybody i fuckin love you



do you ever feel like this? you kn…

5 7 5, 5 7 5, 5 7 5

johnny depp said that if you're in love with two people at the same time, pick the second one, because if you really loved the first you wouldn't have fallen for the second. i guess maybe that's true and i guess maybe i need to let you go, not because i've fallen for someone else, but because i've fallen for the idea of something that we can never ever have together. we just can't. a prompt i had for a writing assignment was to write about someone i once loved, but love no longer, in the form of a three haiku sequence. it's not that i don't love you, but it's not the right kind of love, and i'm trying to free my heart because it's gotten so heavy. i'm sorry.

i shook my hair down hoping you would find me some sort of beautiful.
your eyes saw me but there's more to me than the things that you can hold, touch.
i guess i had hoped your eyes saw deeper than that. i know i was wrong.

(do you go back and count all the syllables every time you read a …
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my arms are all itchy from alfalfa and on saturday i was at work for 9 hours because i was supposed to get 12 boxes of shipment done while i was main cashier and i couldn't get off the register for like .5 seconds because it was so flippin busy man. the shipment took forEVER it was all shoes that were packaged weirdly, whoever packaged them i want to punch in the stomach. my boss was being stupid and any time i tried to talk to someone she'd be like STOP CHATTING START WORKING even though i was working because apparently she doesn't understand the concept of multitasking. i also ripped my nail BAD, down to the quick and it was bleeding and all, of course this happened during a transaction so i was like WHOA definitely have to act like that didn't happen "hey have a great day thanks for coming in we'll see you next time here's some coupons" and all the while i had to like SMILE at people who were irritating me. that's the thing about retail ugh peo…

this is beautiful

Date A Girl Who Reads An article by Rosemarie Urquico

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girl…

so time consuming

i hate painting my nails because i'm so obsessive about it so it takes me like 2 hours to do 2 coats + a topcoat. I CANNOT CONTROL MY LEFT HANDSFAJSDKLAJA

it's the same old fight

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maybe not exactly the same because at least now i don't act on the impulse to starve myself to dust, but it's still not easy. and it's really exhausting, but nobody ever said it wouldn't be. it's like i read once, you can stop the behaviors but the thoughts never completely go away. i'm always going to wish i could be smaller, because in the end i feel like my very existence is the imposition that keeps the world from spinning the way it is supposed to. i always feel in the way, or unwelcome, or just unworthy. it's like my mind thinks that if i can make myself smaller, i'll be less imposing. but i know the cycle and i know it just keeps going, because you can always be smaller until you're dead.





anyway the other day i went camping with four friends and had a much needed break from my routine. it was supposed to be their 'guys only' camping trip but they all said i should go because i'm "practically a guy with but with boobs," wh…

251

i wanna change pretty much everything about me,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

250/two fiddy

if you haven't read anything by derrick brown, do it. he is so good i can't even. this is the first poem i ever read from him, and it started an addiction that cannot be tamed.


cotton in the air
by derrick brown

Your polished back is arched like Saint Louis.

I can see your fingers pushing into the bricks
when I lift your hair
to smell October drain from your neck.

You are cotton caught in the air
I am unfurling laces in your body.

I move on you steady like a fleet of ships pushing ice.
I want to break it all.

Your tank top strap slips down the huh huh of your shoulder
and I will not strain meaning from this.

I have to taste all of your shapes with my teeth,
circles of salt
square butter.

Waltzing a wrecking ball.

I lift your body so that your legs strap to my hips and you
are now adorned.
I toss you around the room because I don’t want to be inside;
I want to walk through you.

So I can know.

I am wading in the dark felt Tijuana paintings of your hair.

I am molting my bed clothes uncoiling towards S…

249 my babies

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so check these lil guys out,


COLLECTIVE AWWW. a bunny had babies in our hay pile in the backyard, there are five of them. their names are:
spartacus gannicus oenomaus (ik ik, wtf, it's pronounced "ani-may-us") theocoles and crixus
BROWNIE POINTS IF YOU KNOW WHAT THOSE NAMES ARE FROM. anyways, the names aren't really fitting considering they're nothing but furry little puffs of cute, but that's not the point. they are my babies. but that picture was taken probably a week ago when their eyes were still closed. since then their eyes have opened and they've left the nest, on their own in this cruel world :'( and all that stuff
so this is when they opened their eyes:


and this is spartacus (the only two you can really tell apart are spartacus and gannicus. spartacus is the smallest and darkest and he has a little white mark on his head and gannicus is the biggest and he has a white mark on his head too!)

obv i didn't just pick him up without knowing it was okay, …

248

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it's been a while huh?
a lot of things have happened. one, got fired from my job at vs because a girl at a dif store decided to screw me over during an exchange, made it look like i was trying to steal money from the company and didn't ring me up as an associate, reported it later making it look like i got $15 back WHEN I DIDN'T GET NO MONEY BACK, anyways basically she gets me fired for something tha ti didn't even do, and gets $50 for getting me fired because that is the "culture of honesty" that the company believes in. if you report someone and get them fired, you get $50. so, good for her, i hope she used that money to buy some crack or something
this happened about 2 1/2 weeks ago but i'm still bitter, i hold onto things i guess. probably because i fucking loved that job with every little fiber of my being. my boss was a total sweetheart. it wasn't her decision to terminate me, it was the "district manager" who i've only ever met twic…