beware the jub jub bird and shun the frumious bandersnatch

dangerous combination, your (my) heart racing breath hot at my neck hands at my ribcage smile on your face all the thoughts in my mind running together and then just ceasing to exist, then when i get home the stars are brighter in the 3am sky than i've ever seen them out here. or i won't drive home and i'll stay pressed against your back and listen to you sigh because i can never sleep but for once i'm happy not to. what if?

i've had a headache for days, it's sitting right behind my eyes, and i don't know what we're doing or if it's worth all this ache and sick twists in my stomach and the staying up late and waking up early. neglecting the things i need to do and telling you no, no, but not being able to convince you. there are parts of myself i am not willing to lose and there are other things that need to come first and that's just that.

the whole world would be easier if i could just stop thinking so fucking much, i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired you're not it.

i've been quieter than usual but inside my head is roaring, my heart is pounding and i think my lungs are about to burst. you said you saw two shooting stars that night and you wouldn't tell me what you wished for. the next night, almost three in the morning standing in the street, i asked you again and you said it didn't matter because they'd already come true. i like you

what a weird situation what do you think, are they drowning or are they only now just learning to breathe?

the only things i can handle right now : seroquel, sudoku, sleep the only things i can feel/think right now : self-loathing, shame, sorrow, suffering, scars, sour, sad, scum, slave, stuck, suicide, sick, sick, sick, sick, SICK i am so : sorry

i smell like honey and words are melting like sugar beneath my tongue, my hair is a wild mane of golden brown waves and i feel like i'll never need to sleep again. i let myself slip back into some pretty awful habits, starving and relishing that dull ache in my gut pressing my fingertips into my hips until i swore i was touching the stark white of bone. but i'm on the other side now, my heart is swelling and i'm finally welcoming the tiny butterflies in my stomach. i know this happens to me often, i slip into the water and just when i'm about to drown i come up gasping for air, every sweet breath filling my lungs like the million thoughts i've yet to share with the world. and i'll swear that i'm never going to slip into that ocean again but i probably will. but that's okay because while i'm here, while i'm on land, i'm going to embrace it and run through the hot sand barefoot and lay under the sun all day. i've given up on (a boy) but i

my eye is burning

back in phoenix and a safer state of mind honestly i'm not feeling like words today so here is the weekend in photos: and of course, my beloved monster and me too happy for my camera to even focus on, i've come back from the dead