beware the jub jub bird and shun the frumious bandersnatch

Dec 12, 2011

i think maybe i have just lost my ability to be inspiring

Dec 8, 2011

you guys it's late and i did this and for some reason it made me laugh HYSTERICALLY

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Dec 3, 2011

bubble bath envy

things are good. i can say that now and mean it. this september i lived through the biggest heartbreak of my life thus far, and i know now that i can live through anything. i get tired sometimes but it's not enough to break me like it used to. usually i just need to sleep it off and spend a day being a hermit in sweats and a giant hoodie and no makeup, watch scrubs on netflix and skip the gym in favor of some frozen yogurt. it's okay to do that sometimes, you know? we all need a break. the most valuable thing i've learned is that it's good to take a break. it doesn't make you weak, or lazy, or unmotivated.

tonight i decided to be productive and i made dinner and i'm quite pleased with myself so pardon me while i explain everything i made! i cooked up some tofu in bbq sauce and had that with some whole wheat pita bread and had carrots and edamame hummus on the side, then for dessert i had pomegranate greek yogurt with cinnamon almonds to make it nice and sweet. it was deeeeelicious. i just was too proud of myself to not say anything about that sooooo

there's thunder outside and it's been freezing here lately. my internal temperature can't regulate itself anymore as a result of the eating disorder, so when it's hot i feel like i'm a step away from the gates of hell, and when it's cold i feel like someone shut off the sun and submerged me in an ice bath for forever. i'm wearing fuzzy socks that keep my feet toasty but my poor little hands are frozen and my fingers are stiff. also i keep my ceiling fan on year round because it's too quiet in my room with it off and i can't sleep.

i don't know what all this means, i just felt like i needed to update. i'm doing good, you guys! i hope you are too. give yourself a break tomorrow, if you can, it's the greatest



i need to start writing again, i've been putting it off and my mind has suffered and sometimes there are so many thoughts i can't handle it



PS random thought why are my bubble baths never as fluffy as the ones in the movies that's really all i've ever wanted my whole life

Nov 23, 2011

eeeeeeughhhhhhh

i have the most incredible headache of all time seriously did i concuss myself in my sleep, is that what this is

Nov 22, 2011

i said i said i said

holy shit you guys i haven't updated this thing since june. i wouldn't know what to say if i tried. um here goes

i guess things are going well, i finally transferred schools and i'm taking classes at asu which is like woo america's #1 party school which if you know me is hilarious because i'm not that person. i'm that person who lays outside on the benches between classes and reads instead of giving head in the bathroom outside lecture hall. idk i'm boring that way

the weather is so perfect i think i could marry it. but then we'd get divorced because in the summer i will start to hate it, but then we would get back together again in the fall, and it would just be an endless cycle. kind of like a real relationship whoa hey

i am restless as fuck man, and i cried last night for the first time in a long time, but i couldn't cry all the way like i needed to. ughsaldfjsafa hey if you still read this anybody i fuckin love you




do you ever feel like this? you know that song that goes "i'll be watchin you?" which is creepy? i feel like i'm in that song a lot of the time. i don't know who you are but i know you're watching and i think you need to watch your own damn life because mine will letcha down okay

Jun 11, 2011

5 7 5, 5 7 5, 5 7 5

johnny depp said that if you're in love with two people at the same time, pick the second one, because if you really loved the first you wouldn't have fallen for the second. i guess maybe that's true and i guess maybe i need to let you go, not because i've fallen for someone else, but because i've fallen for the idea of something that we can never ever have together. we just can't. a prompt i had for a writing assignment was to write about someone i once loved, but love no longer, in the form of a three haiku sequence. it's not that i don't love you, but it's not the right kind of love, and i'm trying to free my heart because it's gotten so heavy. i'm sorry.


i shook my hair down
hoping you would find me some
sort of beautiful.

your eyes saw me but
there's more to me than the things
that you can hold, touch.

i guess i had hoped
your eyes saw deeper than that.
i know i was wrong.


(do you go back and count all the syllables every time you read a haiku? yeah, i do too)

Apr 18, 2011

my arms are all itchy from alfalfa and on saturday i was at work for 9 hours because i was supposed to get 12 boxes of shipment done while i was main cashier and i couldn't get off the register for like .5 seconds because it was so flippin busy man. the shipment took forEVER it was all shoes that were packaged weirdly, whoever packaged them i want to punch in the stomach. my boss was being stupid and any time i tried to talk to someone she'd be like STOP CHATTING START WORKING even though i was working because apparently she doesn't understand the concept of multitasking. i also ripped my nail BAD, down to the quick and it was bleeding and all, of course this happened during a transaction so i was like WHOA definitely have to act like that didn't happen "hey have a great day thanks for coming in we'll see you next time here's some coupons" and all the while i had to like SMILE at people who were irritating me. that's the thing about retail ugh people are really bitchy and annoying sometimes smahrsajffskjf

i look like shit today because t stayed over last night and so i was up late so i slept through my alarm this morning and when i woke up i was like oh shit i have about 5 mins to get ready. so much for like showering. gross. i have like huge bags under my eyes it's also gross. i've tried the frozen spoon thing but it don't work. at least not for me cuz i'm a weirdo.


this is me tryin to be cutesy with the fat monkey t bought me, i love him, his name is tj (t jr obvvviously)


idk why this is relevant i just feel like i need to be uploading pictures from my actual life not from like.... random websites and stuff idk yeah.

my body is like diiiisgusting rn, i feel like i'm gaining shit tons of weight but i'm not eating gross stuff or anything. i think it's cause i'm stressed out which makes me more focused on it. idk, but i need to get back to working out regularly because i've been flaky about it. yuck.

this is where i randomly end the post without a conclusion because i don't really have anything else to say