do you remember

e: the night before you left we drove around from 9pm-5am, stopping at random places to check them out. for a while you let me drive your car and you made a playlist ("on the go...... that could mean so many things") on my ipod and to this day i can't listen to any of those songs without my heart aching, not even the funny techno one with the chipmunk voice. i used to tell you everything and i would still if you were here. i don't think anything i could say would shock you..... i think if i could ever give myself away it would be to you but the distance is problematic. i miss you...... so much

m: we used to spend weeks at each other's houses without going home. one night we got frosty's, deemed ourselves albinos, threw socks and mozzarella sticks at my cieling fan (we broke one of the lights, remember?), and slept in my bathtub. you sort of know what's going on with me but i don't think you know to what extent, and that's not your fault. we haven't spent any time together recently and i'm not sure why....... we need a patio party asap

h, k, a, b, j, et al...: before any of us could drive we used to ditch class and walk to lucky's pizza before it turned into a hookah bar. the pizza had a distinct basil taste and we always felt high when we were walking back to school. one day on the way to lucky's i stood on the pvcc podium *thing* and waved at ongoing traffic, everyone took pictures with their phone. then we would sit in the library on the bean bags and pass notes and laugh at the uptight old people who shh'd us. i miss when we all spent time together. AND ALSO study rooms enough said

d: we used to talk on the phone every single night for hours. the time it meant the most to me was after we hadn't talked for a looonnnngggg time and you called me up. it was late(ish) but i wasn't tired anymore, and we talked until around 3am. we talked about things i'd never really told other people, and i was surprised that i didn't feel uncomfortable at all. we also invented girelephanogs which i don't think anybody else could ever do. i miss you and i wish you hadn't disappeared, i want to talk to you.......... oh and lol you used to always talk about how hot other girls were and you knew it bothered me but then you admitted you did it to make me jealous. i thought that was cute but you know there are better ways to make people like you!

b: the summer i got my license we used to wake up at 5 and go to the barn allllll day to work for our trainer. we never got super close but we had a great time anyway, and we used to always go to the good egg after working. people stared at us because we smelled bad and were always wearing our riding stuff lol! you've had a rough time lately and i wish we were closer, i want to help you but i'd feel like i was barging in now.

these are the moments that make me feel, if that makes sense. i'll always miss them and i'll always miss the people who are gone now. a lot of them are still in my life but we're just not as close anymore. i've distanced myself from everyone. when i look back on this part of my life, i'm pretty sure it will be a blank void... i hope i can turn things around soon.

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