145 i am on my own but it's nice to see you came along

this band is my #1 guilty pleasure i allow myself to indulge from time to time. it makes me feel a little better if i mention that they're from my hometown and i liked them way before they became known as eye candy and little tween girls started kissing their pictures OKAY I LIKED THEM BEFORE THEY WERE COOL

people ask me what i like and i say, well i don't know. i like riding horses and photography and writing and music. and running, i like running. but that is so basic.

if you really wanted to know, i like freckles and dimples and nice hands. i like when i don't forget to take my antidepressants, breathing is so much easier. i like fragile things and things that glow in the dark, and butterflies in my stomach. i like epiphanies and i like driving at night because your headlights make it so other people can't see you in your car dancing and singing along to the radio. i like poetic people whose words seem to be made out of more than just letters, like every word has its own story to tell if you'd just ask it the right way. i like conversations that don't make sense but somehow mean the most. i like it when people tell me i'm not what they expected.

these are the things i want to say but i think it would make things strange. that's my problem, i'm always so afraid of what you think. yes, you... everybody

i used to like my slow pulse and shaky cold blue hands, and how the only way i could get warm was by running a boiling bath and even then PART of me was still always freezing. i used to like my growling stomach and blackouts and blisters from overexercising. i think if i went back to it i would still like it but i'm trying so hard... every day not to give in.

unfortunately i still love the look of bones, i don't know if i will ever get over this. they're just beautiful to me. i wonder sometimes if it's because they represent something so solid but so fragile, they hold us together but they are relatively easy to break. the more they push against my skin like they're trying to break free, the more real they are

this is an alteration of a photo i took a few weeks (months? who knows) ago
i think i might have overdone it but i just downloaded a free trial of photoshop elements 7.0 and i got a little overexcited sorry lol maybe i'll post the original sometime when my eyes aren't trying to trick me

i wrote a short story the other day but i am afraid to share it

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