117 i just wanna be okay, i just wanna feel today

i am so black and white! it's a little (extremely) ridiculous. my throat is raw and sore, the past couple of days were full of desperation and regret. today i came to several realizations and i am, once again, on the other end of the spectrum. i'm afraid though, because usually these feelings leave me empty and choking on tears and wondering why i do everything (anything). i'm practically begging my feelings to stay. i wish they could hear me

i love you so much i can't believe it sometimes. my stomach feels like a balloon and it's floating up my throat and my heart flutters and your eyes are the softest, kindest things i've ever seen. i'm dizzy and i'm inspired and terrified at the same time.

tomorrow will be busy for me and that makes me scared. i worry worry worry when i feel like i have expectations to live up to (which is all the time.) it's really exhausting, i'm afraid of how it's going to affect me. please, feelings, please don't leave tomorrow or the next day or the next.

i'm trying to love myself but it hurts.

i hope you are happy and i hope you are safe, and i hope you love people and feel loved by them.

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