226 your love is gonna drown

i'm at the community college i love it and hate it here sometimes. 40 minutes til my next class i might just ditch. i feel fat today my jeans are tight i don't wanna eat lunch but i might. my purse is on the table in front of me, kinda too close to the guy sitting next to me but i don't wanna move it because then what will he think?! why do i care?!

i'm really frustrated this morning. are you WILDLY jealous of anyone? i can think of a couple. it's pretty bad because i end up comparing to the point of making myself sick. it's rough but it's hard to stop. i mean i'm a lot better than i was but i still fixate on stupid things like how pretty someone else is and how that somehow makes me lesser of a person, even though i know it really doesn't. i wish i could tell you.

stream of consciousness WHAT'SUPPP

choking on limbs, i'm half empty today but i feel all the way full. i swallow trees and my skeleton is made of ivory branches and my feet stick to the ground. roots sink into the soil from my skin and i'm stuck here and that girl had my jeans!!! i lose focus too fast, i think too fast and i move too slow. my sails are still with no wind to push them through this water. it's deep and it's starting to look black and it gets cold at night. goosebumps write me stories and talk to me about what it was like a year ago, with wolves nipping my ankles whenever i tried to give in. i always had bandages above my feet, soaked through with blood and ripped to shreds again by the teeth biting down to my bones. it's hard not to listen to the goosebu mps sometimes but they're just trying to kill me! trying to make me give in and go back to the near-comatose state that landed me in and out of hospitals and treatment centers and consciousness. click your heels and run away and when you trip get back up because that's all you can do if you don't want to stay stuck here and melt into the dirt. the rain never felt so good on my skin, i just want to live in a star.


Anonymous said…
you could have just grabbed the purse and rummaged around in it like you were looking for something and casually put it back closer to yourself.
c said…
i thought about that but i was too lazy to put in the effort. < story of my life

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