this morning i found out that if i lose any more weight i won't be able to get into inpatient, i'll have to be hospitalized (and tube fed yelchh)instead until i'm stable
but i don't care because i'm alive right now, last night when i was grimacing and blacking out and shaking uncontrollably from pain on the way to the ER i was dubious about the whole surviving thing you know? eating disorders are such a fucking bitch

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