I almost forgot your birthday this year

I almost forgot your birthday this year -

I'm taking this as a small victory.

Two years ago, I started dreading it weeks in advance, knowing full well the turmoil I would feel that day. Just because it was you.

Last year, I thought about it for about a week beforehand. I knew you would be with your new girlfriend, wondered what she would get you as a gift, wondered where you'd go out to dinner, or if you'd just slum it up in redneck fashion.

This year it took me until the day before. At work I was writing myself a note - "To-Do, 3/21/19." I'd like to say it took me a split second to realize why that date mattered, but I knew right away.

Maybe next year I'll forget, but probably not. I'd like to think you're a new person now; you probably have scars I haven't seen yet, and I definitely do. I've realized I don't miss the person you are now, I miss the person I knew when we met. You were lighter then, hopeful, fun, easy. Today I don't know if I'd recognize you, and I know you wouldn't recognize me. See, I'm lighter now, hopeful, more fun, easier. Things have changed.