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hi i'm going to give you the lyrics to a song that describes me/my life perfectly see if you can figure me out now

your friends hold the lullabies
they watch the way the night lies
soft sounds, heads like a radio
hearts wrapped in blankets laying low,
hearts wrapped in blankets laying low

you're cold, maybe you just missed the sun
you fall, feeling like it's just begun
so far, keeping it together's been enough
look up, rain is falling, looks like love

your boy is like a memory
some sense of touch and a melody
your girl, she's a renegade
a hurricane that keeps you there, safe
hurricane that keeps you there, safe

you're cold, maybe you just missed the sun
you fall, feeling like it's just begun
so far, keeping it together's been enough
look up, rain is falling, looks like love

oooooookay so i'm not done with treatment yet but i was allowed to come home for the weekend

i actually dislike being home now (???) it's very stressful. you'd think it would be the other way around but mirasol is completely the opposite of what i was thinking it was gonna be. i love it there i feel calm and at peace (sometimes) moreso than here anyways

i don't really want to do anything right now i'm still a little suicidal but not nearly like i was before