beware the jub jub bird and shun the frumious bandersnatch

still i find why and reason now that i am in my last year of teendom i've decided to change some things. like doing the Right Thing. i am going to stay on top of my laundry. i won't turn my headphones up too loud. i won't feel angsty listening to all that remains because it takes me back to your car with your golf balls and guitar picks and clif bar wrappers, because you're not the one i should be thinking of. i will go to work early and make small talk with my boss and not clock in early/clock out late to make a few extra bucks. i already broke one of these and it's been less than two minutes, this song ruins me! i changed my google background to remind me to be more optimistic and not such a debbie downer it's break time, i'm so out of words it's awful you guys. i'm coughing up my lungs trying to get a good word in (or out) and it's not working anymore, i'm losing my voice because i'm not speaking for myself anymore. i have so much to w...

i'm 19 now woooo woo yeah woo yeah yeah wooooo who cares woooooo yeah! 2 years until full legality not that i'm going to do anything about it wooo yeah wooo celebrate good times come on yeah wooo! real update later maybe oh PS it's ony 10:49pm on june 30th (the date down there VVV is a lie) so technically i am still the birthday princess for one hour and eleven minutes.

whenever i begin one of these posts, i never know where it is going to go. maybe i have a few things in mind, but if i do i usually end up not even writing about them. things like i want to make a website and start a writing portfolio, the other day my 6 year old niece legitimately kicked my ass at wii bowling, and i devoured a book in two days which is something i've missed. i spend so much time numbing out! it's time for me to wake up. i kind of miss my old entries. i used to write about things that mattered, or at least i tried. maybe i tried too hard but at least they turned out alright. i don't know, i guess things change. i feel like i have an extra layer of skin, right beneath the surface. my second skin is impenetrable, most of the time. when someone pours their soul into me and tells me how they love me, i am numb. it's like a layer of ice, and i don't know how to melt it. i've spent so long building it up. what, 18 years? i'll be 19 soon, in less t...

i want to lose 3429013 lbs sometimes. like now. which is silly but it's because i haven't been eating enough and it's fueling the fire. plus i'm pissed at (you) kind of even though it's probably not a big deal. i will blow it out of proportion because that is what i do when i forget how to deal with life and its happenings. right now i'm annoyed because my friend always comes into town at the last minute (after high school she moved to a city a few hours away) and every time she just expects to stay at my place without even asking. how do i tell her i just want to be alone tonight? how do i tell her i just want to be alone most nights? that it's sort of an inconvenience for her to come and stay at my house for 3 days without asking and without warning. i love her but i'm frustrated and i'm trying so hard not to take it out on someone else but then the frustration just sits in my stomach like a hot ball of something toxic and it needs somewhere to go ...

i love: giraffes (my ~soul animal~) flecks of light and ocean love, lust, the curve of a warm body wild, green, freedom, flowers cute soft little sleepy-eyed kittens

oatmeal with cinnamon and sugar mmmm it burned my tongue but i choose to forgive because it is so delicious and warm and i am so hungry and cold mmmmmm

tonight i'm not going to cheat and use pictures from flickr, you will be seeing ACTUAL photographs from my ACTUAL life \o/ i've just always wanted to use that emoticon thing. and this one \m/ rock on. hiii it's not late but i'm tired, the time at the bottom of these posts is always off sometimes it's not even on the right day. idk what time it's telling you but it is IN FACT 11:51pm here. and i need to get up by 6 in the morning ~~~enthusiasm*** i'm here to say that i'm just like all of you! i'm really normal. boring, even. i tend to become fascinated with people online through their blogs etc (not a creeper okay i just like getting lost in the life of a stranger from time to time, that's what books are right?!), and i almost put them on this unreal level where they're this ethereal being with perfect-like-honey words and their shoelaces never get worn out. you know why i think this happens? i'm only being exposed to a small part of their...