beware the jub jub bird and shun the frumious bandersnatch

for some reason i feel like society is using subliminal messaging to make me feel guilty for being a cynic what's wrong with pessimism aside from the fact that it can be terribly boring and somewhat tiresome, which feeds into my endless cycle of guilt blahblablha what the fuck am i even saying ooooomg had to do an intake interview with mirasol (inpatient) over the phone today and it was awkward telling a complete stranger things that i haven't even told some of my friends, i don't care you don't care that's ok yyyyyyeah i hate things right now I BLAME EVERYTHING ON PANDA FUCKING EXPRESS AND COLD FUCKING STONE

hahaHHAHahahHAHAH priceless, i laughed anyways um yeah i'm going to hang out with some friends in a little while i'm actually pretty excited. i'm leaving around 11:30am tomorrow for tucson, not so excited about that. i don't have anything sharp or funny or witty or charming to say today, everything just is what it is by the way last night i ruined everything

my lil munster :) i feel like edward norton in that movie 25th hour. i leave monday for inpatient in tucson, i'll be there for probably 60 days. i have today and tomorrow to try and relax and hang out with my friends (who have, btw, been the most incredibly supportive people in the world pardon my cheesiness) and family. patio party tonight and desert ridge in the morning i'll try to enjoy thisssss i couldn't decide which picture i liked better these are from december 07

always: the highest highs bring the lowest lows. there is always a price to pay and that is the way it will always be, it's inevitable

something about right now feels really good. i've been far but it's never been serious take your time, take your time to arrive we move slow down the roads with the lights out you whisper soft, "if we're lost don't turn around" we'll take our time, take our time to arrive where we are, there are no ceilings where we are i could be anywhere as long as i'm with you maybe i'm a good person, maybe i'll listen to this song forever

dalmations i edited this post like 6 times here's the final product my nephewwwwww ain't he cute he's gonna be a heartbreaker i had a charmed childhood, i realllllllly really did. my parents provided for me and then some. i was this bubbly outgoing little bundle of boundless energy and i could talk my way out of almost anything. i have pictures of me standing in front of the giant whale at disney land, gap-toothed smile and all. i remember i had a dentist who used to call me "sunny bunny" and once i bit her because i thought it would be funny (it wasn't even a little bit funny to her). but you remember the laughing gas stuff they would give you??? yeah i used to babble incessantly when they gave me that stuff, i would flail my leg over the side of the chair, heave a giant child-like sigh, and contentedly giggle and chatter and make everyone laugh i remember being carefree like that until...... i'm gonna say 7th grade. in middle school i pretty much hit a w...

in 100 annoying blog posts, i have gone through some phases 1) the "i love myself in the most healthy non-narcissistic way possible" phase (see earliest posts) 2) the "well, i'm going through a rough time but i still like myself" phase 3) the "i am my own worst enemy/i have a secret but i cannot tell you" phase 4) the self-loathing phase (pre-secret unveiling) 5) the overly dramatic secret revealing phase 6) the "well phew i got that off my chest now i'm going to blog excessively and obsessively about it to compensate for all my self-censorship WOO" and now whatever the fuckkkkkkk this is i tried to find a place to include the whiny phase but since that's pretty much THE ENTIRE THING... we'll just say each phase has its own whiny undertone i love the hoodie i'm wearing finally something with sleeves long enough for my monkey arms *i am a giraffe* um i haven't eaten since sunday night lol byeeeee